Review: Smalliez Diner (Victoria Island)
Smalliez Diner
181b Moshood Olugbani, Victoria Island | Instagram | 0705 123 9999
Ed Note: Smalliez Diner recently decided to announce a dress code policy for guests (P.S. it’s “SMART CASUAL”), because it’s apparently that deep. You’ve been warned sha.
At 1 pm on a random day, a friend shared an Instagram post about Smalliez Diner, an all-day brunch restaurant. As a lover of cute spaces and a bona fide smallie, I knew I had to visit. Moreover, the diner had just opened on February 17th, so it was new and exciting.
When I checked their Instagram page, the bio stated that reservations were required. So, I made one for two people via DM. However, I later noticed that the requirement was no longer stated, so walk-ins may be acceptable now.
I went on a Sunday, and boy, was the place packed! I had to go to the top floor to find a good seat (there were three floors). I really thought I was part of an exclusive club of the few people who knew about this new spot, but nope. Lagos babes had found it out, dears.
To be honest, I shouldn't have been that surprised by the crowd, considering they had that many followers on social; plus, who doesn't love Sunday brunch? There were also a number of children there, so it definitely comes across as a kid-friendly spot.
Aside from the crowd, what stood out to me was their exceptional customer service. The security guard opened my Uber door, and the waiter politely directed me to my preferred seating. They even pulled out a chair and tucked it back in. Other Lagos restaurants should learn from them.
The top floor had an old-school RnB music situation that I loved. Within ten minutes of ordering, I was served a complimentary scone, which was unexpected. The scone tasted good but was hard on the outside and soft on the inside, so it didn't crumble entirely when my fork went through it.
A little disappointing, but nothing to cry about. Shebi it was even free?
Complimentary Scone
20 minutes later, I was served my meal and drink, while my waiter sincerely apologized for the late delivery. To be honest, it hadn't even occurred to me to complain because a 30-minute turnaround time in Lagos is not at all bad.
I had the Chicken Toast, which is basically deep-fried chicken and French toast with a maple sauce.
The menu description said it came with microgreens and edible flowers, but the microgreens were nowhere to be found, and the edible flowers didn't look as exciting as they sounded. Guys, the French toast was YUM though chef's kiss. The bread was so soft, and the cinnamon flavouring and sweetness were sublime. The toast didn't even need the maple syrup to taste good, but it was a very welcome addition.
The chicken, on the other hand, paled in comparison. The flavour was almost completely missing; it was like they took all their time to snap with the toast and said "oya let's just rush and do this chicken". It even came slightly burnt. I sha appreciated the contrast in texture between the crunchy skin and succulent exterior.
Chicken Toast
For my drink, I had a Pink Bubble Gum Mojito, which was sweet, tangy, and had a bubble gum flavour. My guest had a Blackout Brownie and an Orange and Passionfruit Iced Tea.
She didn't get a complimentary scone though, but I think it was an oversight. She joined me later, so I ordered ahead for her, and by the time she got there, her food and drink were served within 20 minutes. The meal took about 40 minutes altogether to be ready.
“Pink” Bubble Gum Mojito
Orange and Passionfruit Iced Tea
The brownie had Belgian waffles, fudge brownies, meringue kisses, and vanilla ice cream with chocolate and salted caramel drizzles. It was sweet and scrumptious, while the ice cream was creamy and rich. It was so creamy and rich that I had to ask the waiter if it was made in-house. Turns out it was, so big BONUS points. When I first saw that they charged N3800 per scoop, I thought it was ludicrous, but I was less appalled when I tasted it. Still side-eyeing them a bit though.
If you're not a sweet tooth, steer ⚠️ clear ⚠️ There were also edible flowers on it, but once again, they didn't really add anything to the meal.
The waffles, which were meant to be the main character of the meal, they were quite a letdown. It tasted okay, but the texture wasn't right at all. They were a bit crusty and had more of a biscuity texture.
Blackout Brownie
The iced tea was another letdown. It was basically overpriced juice and definitely not worth the 6k. We couldn't even detect the Jasmine tea, if there was any, and the orange flavour overpowered the drink.
Once again, I'll applaud their customer service. Even though the restaurant was packed, the waiter came over to ask for feedback at multiple points, graciously took my friend's comments about the waffles, and offered genuine-sounding apologies.
Another thing: I liked that they had both sweet and savoury versions of their brunch options. Their menu range was impressive.
I imagine during the week, when it's much less crowded, this is a good spot for remote work. They were very intentional about putting charging points at the wall seats, and the ambiance just makes sense for that sorta thing.
P.S.: There's no extra VAT or service charge, so what you see on the menu is what you get on your bill.
POSTSCRIPT
I will definitely be going back to Smalliez, but I now know what to steer clear of.
verdict
DAMAGE
Chicken Toast – N10500
Blackout Brownie – N12000
“Pink” Bubble Gum Mojito – N6000
Orange and Passionfruit Iced Tea – N6000
PARKING
Maybe 5-ish cars. You’ll probably have to park on the road.