Review: Cafe de Flore (Ikoyi, Lagos)
CAFE DE FLORE
FOLLY: So that hiatus was definitely unplanned, and so coming back to writing reviews was a bit challenging. That said, if we go AWOL like that again, y’all should just take it as an unannounced retirement.
NOSA: Corona really tried to stop us from flourishing. SMH.
FOLLY: In the past few months, we started a podcast and we got a chance to speak to some amazing chefs and business owners about how the pandemic affected their business. They also got to speak to us off-air about all the things they hate about restaurant review blogs and Instagram pages, and the culture we have created, and they absolutely hate it.
Soz, restaurants.
NOSA: Corona made us kumbaya for a bit. Nobody was banning me from their space. Good times.
FOLLY: Anyway, they said we have a responsibility, which to be honest they’ve always said. I disagreed then, but I see it now.
Again, soz restaurants.
NOSA: Yeah, we’re going to be more responsible now and whatnot.
FOLLY: There are quite a few restaurants that have opened since we’ve been away. Nosa picked Cafe de Flore, so off we went. I blame Nosa for everything that happened afterward.
NOSA: Cafe de Flore is the perfect place to come back with. I mean, look at the Google reviews. Last year, we probably wouldn’t have checked it out but things are different this year.
Cafe de Flore sits in the same space Sophomore Cafe, of blessed memory, used to be in. On a mildly related note, we should probably do a recap of restaurants that COVID took away from us.
FOLLY: I had seen a tweet or two that people were disappointed with Cafe de Flore but it looked okay on Instagram. Chef Fregz also recently posted that he’s the chef there, so I assumed it couldn’t be that bad because Fregz wouldn’t associate his good name with a disaster, I was wrong.
NOSA: I honestly don’t get why Fregz let his name touch this. It’s run by the same person/team behind the infamous Tea Room in Lekki. Small due diligence and you know these are the vibes to avoid.
On Cafe de Flore, the name rips off a famous Parisian coffee shop. A bit like how Tea Room is a blatant copy of Elan Cafe, so I guess it’s all on-brand for the establishment. This is enough to avoid it, to be honest. Any business that runs “I’m in Nigeria, they won’t catch me” is one you should avoid on GP.
FOLLY: We didn’t get any starters because the restaurant is ridiculously expensive.
NOSA: Like Tea Room, it’s great for Instagram pictures so maybe that’s what you’re really paying for. The owner knows Lagosians don’t care too much about the food, so Cafe de Flore is fully optimised for Instagram. 100 likes guaranteed.
FOLLY: Actually, not fully true on starters. Nosa tried to order the lamb sliders and it wasn’t available. We weren’t going to pay N5500 for chicken lollipops so we ordered mains only. Anyway, I don’t want to complain too much about the price because it’s insult that will follow next.
“WHy dIdN’t yOU leAvE iF iT wAS toO exPenSIve fOR You”
NOSA: Our order: Fried Chicken Burger for me, Blueberry Pancakes for Folly, the Lamb Ragu and White Fish for our dates.
FOLLY: Another thing that was downright criminal about Cafe De Flore is how they replace the duck in their Duck & Waffle with chicken main and still charge N10800 for it.
NOSA: That duck is never going to be available so it’s time for everyone to be honest with themselves.
FOLLY: The pricing at Cafe de Flore is not commensurate with the value.
NOSA: Not worth the wait either. And it’s a VERY long wait for your food.
FOLLY: As you might tell from the pictures, the pancakes were a cross between a crepe and fluffy pancakes that didn’t rise properly.
NOSA: They tasted like plastic to me.
FOLLY: That would be an accurate description, it was very dense on the inside. Due to a clear imbalance in the recipe, the pancakes didn’t rise, were dense and chewy on the inside. And the presence of baking soda announced itself in a very bitter way.
The eggs were eggs, not overcooked but good enough. The sausage notably wasn’t a smoked Russian as the menu advertised. However, much offense wasn’t taken because at least it wasn’t a frankfurter.
NOSA: Let me not lie, I had no idea Russian sausages were a thing so shouts to you, Cafe de Flore.
FOLLY: The berry compote was the standout. Perhaps, Chef Fregz made it for them before taking his leave so they had no opportunity to mess that up.
NOSA: Maybe he should have helped a bit more with the chicken burger. The fried chicken had more batter than actual chicken. If I knew this was what I was paying for, I could’ve put Pringles in a bun at home.
Beyond that, I guess It was as pleasant as eating a fried batter sandwich can get. There is a lot to like about the Fried Chicken Burger in theory. From the fried egg to the arugula, it should work, right?
Unfortunately, it just doesn’t.
FOLLY: The waiter, though clueless (he said he was new), was charming and funny, so we couldn’t even vex too much in real-time.
NOSA: The cocktails, too, were a bright spot. If you’re about to set up a restaurant and you’re reading this, you should definitely steal their female bartender.
But, back to terrible things about Cafe de Flore.
The Lamb Ragu, which I have no picture of, was something I could have made myself. No shade to them, but this thing tasted like a TV dinner. Like, those ones you ate when you were a broke college student. For 8k, you’d probably get better from elsewhere. La Taverna, for example, has better pasta at a fraction of the price.
Speaking of TV dinners, did you know that Deli‘s has them for N4000? Which is insane because pasta, pasta sauce, and ground beef will probably cost you less than N4000. Why do they think people will spend that much money on a TV dinner?
The rice and stew, I mean “white fish”, wasn’t actually bad. This is something your cook at home can serve you when he’s in a good mood. It wouldn’t be out of place if you ordered it at Traffic or your Cotonou chef brought it to you for dinner.
But for almost nine thousand Nigerian nairas, you really have to look inwards if you choose to order this. A bit of self-reflection is in order. Why would you make such a terrible decision in the middle of a recession?
POSTSCRIPT
NOSA: More like Cafe de Flop, amirite?
FOLLY: The wait time for the food was long so you might want to consider that if you choose to visit, not that I advise that you do, though.
NOSA: Don’t waste your money. Love yourself.
VERDICT
DAMAGE
Pink Sangria - N6000
Peach Tea Mimosa - N6000
White Fish - N8500
Lamb Ragu - N7500
Blueberry Pancakes - N5500
Fried Chicken Burger - N7500
Price Range
N10,000 - N15,000
Parking
Very limited