The Restaurant Apocalypse That Lagos Needs For a Fresh Start
Last weekend, Nosa and I were on the hunt for a restaurant to review so we could make our editor’s deadline (I didn’t meet it, hangs head in shame). Now, this is where things got interesting, we visited Temple Cottage for a review and after ordering a few things with the front desk associate of the hotel who was also moonlighting as a waitress coming back each time to say they weren’t available, the chef decided to join her on the third occasion to point out to us on the menu what exactly he had and could make and what he didn’t have.
It was in this conversation that he admitted to us that
Honestly, somethings on this menu, we’ve never made them here before. My boss just came one day put them on the menu and that’s it. Like this item here [while pointing at a burger], I’ve never seen it before and I don’t know what they put inside.
At this point, I’m screaming internally and decided that it was best was for this establishment to be shut down immediately based on their unseriousness. Of course, because Nosa and I are aspiring to be Jonathan Gold, so we didn’t get up and leave right that moment; we decided to stick around and see how bad it could be.
It got worse but before it did, I spent the next 30 minutes imagining myself having the power to shut down most of the restaurants in Lagos for being mediocre and saving only the good ones. And this was how I came about this list of 10 restaurants in Lagos worth saving.
[Nosa’s Note: I won’t say these are the only good restaurants in Lagos, but these are the only ones I’d save in a fire]
I must add that this list is a 10000% faxxx, and if you don’t like it, write your own list. To put it differently, I said what I said.
In alphabetical order (and not the order that we’d save them)
1. Craft Gourmet
A restaurant that tests their waitstaff’s knowledge on the menu so they can speak to customers is a serious business. They also get to taste the food so they can describe it when asked and sometimes have to do written assessments. Now, that is a commitment to excellence.
Well done, Craft Gourmet keep on going on. This doesn’t mean we’re saying the food will blow you away sha. Please, don’t get carried away. But, anyone that’s this committed to getting things right will always win.
2. HSE
HSE is arguably one of the most consistent restaurants in Lagos after RSVP, but the streets don’t report it as much because it’s in Lekki, and that’s a damn shame. HSE is the only good restaurant in Lekki. Like, in the entirety of Lekki plus greater Lekki.
HSE needs to trade in that Lekki “zip code” for a more elite address in 2021.
3. Izanagi
This one might be equal parts being good and also a bit of luck because they are up against a few other terrible Japanese restaurants in Lagos. I can’t shut down the only good Japanese restaurant we have in Lagos.
4. La Taverna
Name a restaurant with better pasta in Lagos, I’ll wait. Actually, I won’t because I’m not interested in any dissenting opinions. I also know someone is going to say “Oh, but we need Pizzeriah for pizza”. La Taverna has you covered, and it’s even N2500 on Wednesdays. Would you just look at that?
5. Nok
Saved because of Abula and the Nok Garden. Just so it’s clear, in this post-apocalyptic future, I only went after restaurants, so Iya Eba and your Refuel Max combo are safe. I’m wicked, but I’m not ruthless.
Like Craft Gourmet, Nok might not always deliver, but it’s clear that they’re trying to bring something new to the table.
6. Orchid House (Apapa)
Only the Apapa location because I heard they have rats in the VI branch. Yikes! I obviously haven’t been to Orchid House, Apapa in the past two years because absolutely nothing is worth that Apapa traffic, except a 7-figure credit alert, and in that case, I will take a boat.
7. RSVP
RSVP has been the best restaurant in Lagos since 2015. RSVP raised the bar for everyone when they opened shop, and they’ve been doing it year after year. If you disagree, just write your own list.
8. Salma’s
Salma’s looks and smells like money. I’m not going to pretend that I love Lebanese food; I appreciate it, but it’s not a fave. I’m saving just one Lebanese restaurant so that my reimagined Lagos is still accommodating to our junior Nigerians.
9. Talindo
Before RSVP, there was Talindo. Talindo got stale for a bit, but the kitchen stepped up big time in the last 2-3 years, and it’s firmly a tier 1 restaurant in Lagos.
10. Thai Thai
I wanted to close down this space for violating building codes as they are located within a residential apartment building. However, they bribed me with an excellent Prawn Pad Thai, so I looked the other way.
Please don’t be angry if your favourite restaurant isn’t on this list, we all have something we’re working on to improve ourselves, they should probably keep doing that.
Thank you.