FOLLY: Interrupting our usual posts to bring you something..... healthy. And this is not a pseudo-confirmation for all those people that leave comments asking “are you fat?”. Nope you’re still rude.

NOSA: Weirdos.

FOLLY: Anyways, I had the following conversation with Nosa and an hour later I ordered the juices.

NOSA: I feel bloated
ME: Do you want to go on a cleanse ?
NOSA: Okay

FOLLY: In the words of my cousin since "human beings are designed to chew" we had a salad for lunch each day during this exercise (it lasted 3 days) as I  cannot come and die please.

NOSA: No way I was going to do a pure juice cleanse when I'm not mad.

FOLLY: Day 1 and 2 were super easy, but on day 3, I was convinced I was about to die.

NOSA: Day 3 was actually the easiest one for me. I could've gone another 3 days at that point.

FOLLY: I was so cold all day and wasn't able to get anything done at  work. We had a group chat with two of our friends that were also doing the cleanse with us. By day 2, we had all gotten delirious and started sending ourselves "inspiring "messages like “food is a social construct created by capitalist farmers”. 

So how did it all taste?

Pick Me Up

simply green pick me up juice

FOLLY: Incredibly tasty. The only thing you could really taste here was the orange and the ginger. The ginger is great cause it could remind you what food tastes like since it's something that could be used to spice regular food like rice. 

NOSA: Tasted like fermented Sunny Delight tbh. Idk about "tasty" either. At first you think, "Oh, this isn't bad". Then the carrot and ginger hit....

Get Naked


FOLLY: Of the two green juices, this was my favourite. It’s very light and easy to drink.

NOSA: Tasted way better than the Pick Me Up. Probably because of the Apple in it. You know Apple juice is like the GOAT juice.

Cleanse Intense


FOLLY: This was the first juice I drank and I fully expected it to taste like struggle because of how green it looks (likely thanks to the pumpkin leaf aka Ugwu). However, the apple and pear really come clutch in this one to enhance the flavour profile.

NOSA: I hated this on the first 2 days because it tastes like vegetable soup in a bottle. On the third day though, I didn't mind it. 


FOLLY: Forgettable (hence no picture), I don’t like watermelon and I’m razz so I don’t know what honeydew is and I kept trying not to swallow the mint leaf whole – that was a challenge. 

NOSA: This was the pink one, if I remember correctly. Yeah, it wasn't bad. Actually one of the better ones in the set. There isn't a proper standout taste. Think flavored water.

Funky Beet

simply green funky beet

FOLLY: Disgusting. HATE HATE HATE. Dami says this tastes “dusty”, she’s right. 

NOSA: I've drank a lot of terrible shit in my life. The cheapest and most disgusting protein shakes included. THIS, by far, is the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth. My strategy is usually to make sure this stuff is super cold so it goes down easy, but this one was such a tedious exercise. If I do this thing again, I'm skipping on this one. I'd rather starve.


FOLLY: I'd do this again. 

NOSA: Food is a social construct.


Each simply green bottle costs N1000