Border Control: How do you Import Pizza into the Country?

Let’s be honest, everybody loves pizza. Pizza combines everything good and pure in the world: a mouth-watering crust, tart tomato paste, sizzling cheese and an assortment of toppings satisfying every craving from sweet to savoury.

The cheese, people.

Oh, the cheese!

Pizza has us by the heart but it’s very clear that some of us pizza lovers are taking it to the next level! Apparently, the varieties and brands of pizza available in Nigeria are not enough to quell the cravings of the wealthier demographic.

Well, that’s according to the Nigerian Minister of Agriculture, Audu Ogbeh.

See, a couple of weeks ago, Audu Ogbeh claimed that the well and wealthy in Nigeria are now ordering pizza in London and having it brought into Nigeria via the British Airways. While Ogbeh’s claims are yet to be verified, we would like to look at the possibility of actually importing pizza from London.

How’s the order made and delivered? Who brings the pizza into Nigeria? If you could afford such a luxury, what pizza brand would you like to bring in from London?

Let’s take a closer look.

The Definitive Guide to Importing Pizza – As Told by Audu

On the matter of logistics, Audu Ogbeh has left a lot to the imagination. We have no concrete details!

Audu Ogbeh has blatantly refused to name names or give any deep insights into the delivery process involved. We’re sure we aren’t the only ones who want to understand the dynamics of importing pizza! While Audu Ogbeh hasn’t given us any premium facts, he’s left some pretty good puzzle pieces. Time to connect the dots…

While addressing the Senate Committee on Agriculture, Audu Ogbeh dropped enough clues to form a convincing theory or two as to how pizza is imported. Our two clues:

  • “Do you know, sir, there are Nigerians who use their cellphones to import pizza from London?”

  • “Buy in London, they bring it on British Airways in the morning to pick up at the airport.”

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Theory 1: Foreign Food Couriers – Flying High, Foraging Food.

Anyone rich enough to consider importing pizza would definitely be rich enough to have foreign food couriers – I mean, if you’re going all out, go all out!

Theory 1 is pretty simple – Our well and wealthy countrymen inform their foreign food couriers when they begin to crave that UK deep dish. These couriers get the pizza from their employer’s choice pizzeria and board the next available flight to Nigeria. Once in Nigeria, they contact their employers who then send their local couriering counterparts to pick up the package. Once delivered, our foreign friends head back to the UK, awaiting the next whim of their employers.

Simple, straightforward and stress-free – well except for the courier who has to endure a roughly 14-hour total flight time.

Theory 2: Cargo Service – How Express is Express?

From Audu Ogbeh’s rant, we can confirm two things:

  1. Pizza can be ordered via cellphones, bypassing the need for our flying friends, the food couriers.

  2. The British Airways are the primary cargo service involved in this importation saga.

While these can be confirmed from our puzzle pieces, this theory is still a bit rocky. There are more than a few loopholes.

Pizza can be ordered online but where is it delivered to? Are there pizza chains in the UK that offer international delivery? Is the package immediately given a tracking number and sent out? If we had a few more facts, we would be able to draw a more precise conclusion.

Shall we page Audu?

Theory 3: The ‘Pizzaminatti’ – A legitimate Secret Society.

Let’s be honest guys, organised secret societies have been formed for far less. Don’t smirk, just hear me out. Wouldn’t you consider joining a secret society whose sole purpose was to eat foreign pizza? You wouldn’t be required to do anything sinful – except eat copious amounts of cheese which could potentially ruin your diet. All you’d be required to do is meet the society’s requirements, keep the secret and boom! Pizza across the world is brought to your doorstep.

With this theory though, the only question left to answer is why Audu Ogbeh knows about the Pizzaminatti. Is he a member? If yes, why is he ratting the society out? Could there be a not-so-secret rival society to the Pizzaminatti? Possibly the Fit-Fam? In a country like Nigeria where questions are often left unanswered, it’ll be no surprise that this cannot be answered.

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Ports are closed! Conclusions have been drawn!

Whatever the logistics of this wild phenomenon may be, importing pizza will never not be funny and/or absurd.

There are a ton of places in Lagos – including subsidiaries of international brands such as Dominos and Pizza Hut – where good pizza can be obtained. But hey, if you can afford exotic pizza, why not? To be fair, Jand2Gidi was bringing in Big Macs a couple years ago.

If you could afford such a grand luxury, what brand of pizza would you be bringing through the borders? Would it be from the UK or would you work your own logistics and scour the globe? Whatever the case may be, pizza is one dish that’s sure worth the hassle.