The Superior Chop: A Revised Definitive Ranking of Small Chops

When I think of small chops, I can only think of good things. Small chops are little servings of happiness, joy and satisfaction. Seriously, who doesn’t love small chops?

In my honest opinion, if there aren’t any small chops at your event, you’ve truly missed the mark. Whether it’s parties, weddings, graduation ceremonies or even simple get-togethers with friends and family, small chops are the most important element to set the gears in motion.

Although unadulterated packages of bliss, not all ‘small chops’ are equal. The crisp creaminess of shrimp and mayonnaise spring rolls often pale in comparison to the succulence of peppered gizzards. Don’t even get me started on the fluffiness of hot puff-puff or the sweet sensation that is mosa. Though all divine, not all ‘chops’ are on the same level.

Here’s a definitive ranking of some of the most finger-licking chops in the business in an ascending order i.e least desirable to most desirable

 

10. All fish Based Chops: Fish in Batter, Fish Rolls and Friends

On a scale of 1 to yikes, this is definitely a double yikes!

Fish/fish based chops have no place in polite society whatsoever. Whether it’s fish in batter or fish rolls, fish has no business in a pack of small chops. The batter is just wrong, the fish isn’t well flavoured and in fish rolls, you often have 90% dough and 10% fish.

It’s a travesty that needs to sink to the bottom of the sea.

 

9. Mosa

I don’t know whose bright idea this was but honestly, it wasn’t very bright.

Mosa isn’t 100% terrible – it’s a strong 98%. Mosa is truly nasty when it’s cold. It gets tough, soggy and overall very yucky.

In summary, Mosa is unnecessary. Let it go.

 

8. Barbeque (BBQ) Chicken

I absolutely love chicken. My love for chicken makes me expect more from chicken but BBQ chicken in small chops packs falls short of my expectations. It breaks my heart to have to put anything with chicken in it at the bottom tier of any list but this evil must be addressed.

First of all, the chicken is hardly ever barbecued. When it is, it slaps massively but finding a small chop vendor who actually grills their chicken is like finding the end of a rainbow.

If you can overlook that is is not indeed barbequed, many vendors simply mess up the flavour.

It’s a sad thing to do to chicken. Chicken deserves better.

 

7. Chicken in Batter

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you cannot stick anything in batter and make it better.

Chicken in batter is usually very delicious thing but I don’t think it’s something that should be produced en masse. These things are like a poor man’s homeless friend’s chicken nuggets.

Maybe this is because I love chicken and I expect the best from chicken but chicken in batter isn’t one of the better options where chops are concerned.

 

6. Peppered Gizzard/Snail

Peppered gizzards and snails are a two-way tie for this spot for me. Naturally, I love peppered snails and gizzards. However, in small chop packs, they leave me rather unimpressed.

Whenever I find peppered snails or gizzards in packs of small chops, it’s either one of two things:

  1. The are indescribably too hard to chew.

  2. They are too oily to be ingested.

Snails and gizzards are elite food items and it bothers me that small chop vendors cannot seem to get it right all the time.

 

5. Samosas

I understand that I am going to get a lot of hate for placing samosas so low on the list. I can already see Folly and Nosa staring at me in disbelief but it is what it is. Folly & Nosa, I understand if you are never able to trust my taste in food going forward, but I must speak my truth.

[Ed Note: Check out the original ranking HERE]

In my honest opinion, samosas are meh. They are just there.

Sure, they’re flavourful, crispy and what not but they really don’t hit the spot for me. I would readily trade my samosas for spring rolls or even puff puff. That’s just the way it is.

 

4. Meat Kebabs

You don’t come across meat kebabs very often and that just shows how elite they are in the grand scheme of things.

Meat kebabs are delicious, delectable and divine. The flavours and textures involved in the making of this chop are everything good about the world.

Meat kebabs can be barbecued, grilled or fried. Whatever the case, they’re a hit.

 

3. Spring Rolls

If you listen closely, you’ll hear angels singing Keyshia Cole’s ‘Heaven Sent’ the minute you put a spring roll in your mouth. Spring rolls are amazing.   

Even if spring rolls are top tier chops, they can get soggy sometimes and a soggy spring roll is an irritating spring roll. Nothing is perfect, so we’ll have to accept the soggy sods.

 

2. Puff-Puff

Puff Puff is that chop of that’s voted most popular in a yearbook because everyone actually loves them and wants the best for them. Puff Puff is fluffy, soft, and sweet.

Growing up, I didn’t really fancy puff puff but right now, I could trade some people in my life for puff puff with ease.

 

1. Buns

Simply put, buns are peak. I don’t think I can rate your existence as a human being if you have no idea what buns are. What have you been doing with your life?

I know I’d said nothing is perfect earlier on but really, buns are pretty close. Buns are like puff puff’s fit, financially secure elder sister. Buns have a bit of a tough exterior but when you bite into them, they’re soft and fluffy.

Buns are the best. If you have any contrary views, feel free to bring them to my lawyer. I’ll see you in court.